Everyone Will Look at it

DWAYNE LEFTRIDGE FAIRY TALES #####

"EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT IT!"

IT WAS A FUNNY DAY ON THE SIDEWALK. ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WALKED BY LOOKED OR TALKED LIKE FREAKS AND SOMETIMES BOTH. A MAN WALKED BY WHO CLAIMED THAT HE COULD PICK HIS REAR FASTER THAN ANY OTHER MAN IN THE WORLD. ANOTHER WAS SHOUTING OUT THAT HE HAD MARBLES FOR SALE; NOT AT CHILDREN BUT OFFICE WORKERS. THERE WAS ALSO A WOMAN WHO CLAIMED THAT SHE HAD THE LARGEST BUG COLLECTION IN THE WORLD.

THEN THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN; A RATHER YOUNG ONE WHO SHOWED UP IN A SUIT, A TOP HAT, WELL DRESSED, WITH A STAND TO SET THINGS ON AND SOME KIND OF CARRYING CASE. HE SET THE STAND STRAIGHT UP ON THE GROUND AND TOOK SOMETHING OUT OF THE CARRYING CASE, WHICH HE PLACED ON THE STAND. NO ONE COULD SEE WHAT IT WAS THOUGH, SINCE IT WAS COVERED WITH A WHITE CLOTH. HE TOOK OUT A WAND AND THAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT HE REMOVED FROM HIS CASE.

NOW HE WAS FACING THE SIDEWALK AS HE CALLED OUT, WHILE HE VIEWED EVERYONE STANDING OR WALKING BY, "LADIES AND GENTLEMAN; MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!"

A NUMBER OF PEOPLE BEGAN TO LOOK ON. SOME OF THOSE WHO HAD BEEN WALKING STOPPED TO LISTEN. A CROWD'S BEGINNING BEGAN TO FORM AS THE YOUNG MAN CONTINUED TO TALK:

"I HAVE COME APON THIS WALKWAY, TO SHOW YOU THE ADMIRATION OF THE CENTURIES. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THIS POSSESSION. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN STRUCK WITH WONDER FOR CENTURIES WHENEVER AND WHEREVER IT SHALL MEET THEIR EYES. IT GLITTERS: THE LIGHT REFLECTS FROM IT SO BRIGHTLY, THAT ANY PACKRAT WOULD BE TEMPTED TO STEAL IT. PEOPLE FOR CENTURIES HAVE FOUGHT WARS TO HAVE POSSESSION OF IT. SPOUSES AND FAMILY MEMBERS FOR CENTURIES HAVE MURDERED EACH OTHER SO THAT THEY MAY SELFISHLY BE THE ONLY ONE TO DECLARE OWNERSHIP OF IT. SULTANS HAVE TRADED THEIR ENTIRE HERD OF CAMELS SO THAT IT MAY REST IN THEIR HANDS AS THEIR OWN AND PIONEERS OF THE OLD WEST HAVE GIVEN ENTIRE HERDS OF HORSES TO HAVE IT AND THEN RODE AWAY ON THEIR LAST MULE.

"ALLAH THE UNDERWEAR HEAD", A FANATICAL MUSLIM, WHO BELIEVED IN THEIR VERSION OF HEAVEN, THAT HEAVEN IS SOME KIND OF A GIANT CHEESEBURGER, FULL OF WAN-A-BEE SERVANTS, HAPPY TO WAIT ON HIS SMELLY ASS AND GORGEOUS DANCING GIRLS WITH ALMOND EYES, WAITING TO GIVE HIS MUTILATED PENUS PRECIOUS FAVORS, WAS WILLING TO CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY, IN ORDER HAVE THIS VERY OBJECT THAT I HAVE UNDERNEATH THIS WHITE CLOTH, WHICH IS THE SUBJECT OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.

"YOU OUT THERE: YOU ALL HAVE THIEVES WHO CREEP IN YOUR BACK YARD AND SEX FIENDS STEALING YOUR UNDERWEAR OFF OF YOUR CLOTHES LINES. BUT NOT ME; I'M THE POSSESSOR OF WHAT IS UNDERNEATH THIS WHITE CLOTH. IF A DOG WAS TO SHOW UP RIGHT NOW, LOOKING FOR A LEG TO URINATE ON OR A PERSON TO BITE, I WOULD BE THE LAST ONE, BECAUSE I HAVE WHAT IS BELOW THE WHITE CLOTH."

BY NOW, THE CROWD HAD REACHED A CAPACITY. THE YOUNG MAN CONTINUED TO TALK:

"I AM SOLE POSSESSOR OF THIS ARTIFACT THAT HAS PASSED DOWN THROUGHOUT THE AGES, KNOWN AS, 'EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT IT'; AND AS SOON AS I REMOVE THIS CLOTH, EVERYONE REALLY WILL LOOK AT IT.

"'EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT IT' WAS CREATED BY AN OUTSTANDING MAGICIAN IN ANCIENT GREECE. IT WAS PRAISED BY EVERYONE FROM 'PLATO' TO 'ARISTOTLE' TO THE KINGS OF ALL THOSE 'GREEK' STATES, TO THE KINGS OF 'PERSIA' AND 'EGYPT', EVEN TO THE EMPERORS OF 'CHINA'. IT HAS PASSED THROUGHOUT THE LEADERS OF ALL THESE LANDS AND MANY TIMES THE COMMON FOLK. 'WHISTLER'S MOTHER' WAS ABLE TO KEEP HER POSE WHILE MODELING FOR THE PORTRAIT THAT HER SON DREW OF HER, BY CONSTANTLY LOOKING AT IT.

"OF COURSE, NONE OF WHAT I SAY WOULD BE OF ANY USE TO YOU IF I DID NOT GIVE ALL OF YOU THE CHANCE TO LOOK AT IT YOURSELVES; AND I SUGGEST THAT YOU DO, BECAUSE 'EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT IT' WILL GIVE ETERNAL YOUTH TO ANYONE WHO CASTS THEIR GAZE ON IT'S DIVINITY. THIS IS THE REASON WHY I MYSELF STAY SO YOUNG."

THE YOUNG MAN REMOVED HIS TOP HAT AND TURNED IT UPSIDE-DOWN, AS HE HELD IT BY THE RIM, HOLDING IT IN FRONT OF HIM WITH BOTH HANDS.

"BEFORE I SHOW IT TO YOU THOUGH, I WILL LIKE TO ASK ALL OF YOU HERE, TO OFFER A DONATION TO PROVIDE FOR MY TRAVELS, SO THAT I MAY SPREAD THIS DELIGHT THROUGHOUT THE LAND. I WILL WALK BY ALL OF YOU WITH MY HAT TIPPED, IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL HONOR THIS GIFT THAT I BRING TO YOU, BY HELPING TO PAY FOR MY TRAVELING EXPENSES, SO THAT I MAY TAKE THE GIFT TO OTHERS."

THE YOUNG MAN WALKED AROUND THROUGH THE CROWD AS PEOPLE PLACED MONEY INTO HIS HAT. SOON IT WAS FULL COMPLETELY TO THE BRIM.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES AND GENTLEMEN; NOW, BEFORE I SHOW YOU THIS EXTRAORDINARY ARTIFACT, THERE IS ONE MATTER THAT I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF: "I HAVE TO WALK OVER HERE TO THE DRUGSTORE ACROSS THE STREET AND USE THE BATHROOM FOR A MOMENT. I REALIZE THAT NONE OF YOU KNOW ME; SO I WILL PERMIT YOU ALL TO SELECT GUARDIANS OF YOUR SPENDINGS WHO WILL ACCOMPANY ME AND STAND BY THE DOOR OF THE MEN'S ROOM.

THE CROWD SELECTED TWO LARGE BURLY MEN TO WALK WITH THE MAN AS HE WENT TO THE RESTROOM. THE YOUNG MAN ENTERED THE RESTROOM AND THE TWO MEN STOOD GUARD OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

ABOUT A MINUTE LATER, AN OLD MAN EXITED THE BATHROOM. HE APPEARED TO BE ABOUT SEVENTY-FIVE. HE WAS WEARING STANDARD WORK CLOTHING SUCH AS LEVIS, WORK BOOTS AND A LUMBERJACK SHIRT. HE SIMPLY WALKED BY THE TWO GUARDS AND APPEARED TO BE QUITE NORMAL.

NOW THEY ONLY HAD TO WAIT FOR THE YOUNG MAN

WHO THEY HAD ACCOMPANIED TO FINISH. HIS FACE DID

NOT SHOW AS FAST AS THE OLD MAN'S FACE THOUGH.

THEY WAITED; AND WAITED; AND WAITED. THEY WAITED; AND WAITED; AND WAITED.

FINALLY, THEY COULD WAIT NO MORE AND ONE OF THE MEN SAID TO THE OTHER, "HE'S BEEN IN THERE AN AWFUL LONG TIME. YOU DON'T THINK THAT THERE WAS A WINDOW IN THE BATHROOM THAT THE MAN MAY HAVE CLIMBED OUT OF, DO YOU?"

"LET'S GO IN AND TAKE A LOOK", SUGGESTED THE OTHER MAN.

SO, THEY BOTH ENTERED THE RESTROOM. THEY LOOKED AROUND FOR A WINDOW BUT THERE WAS NONE. THEY CHECKED THE DIFFERENT TOILET BOOTHS BUT FOUND NOTHING AND FINALLY CAME TO THE LAST TOILET BOOTH.

THEY LOOKED INSIDE; AND TO THEIR ASTONISHMENT, THEY FOUND ALL OF THE YOUNG MAN'S CLOTHES SCATTERED RECKLESSLY ALL OVER THE FLOOR, AS

THOUGH HE HAD CHANGED HIS CLOTHES IN A HURRY.

ONE OF THE MEN WONDERED, "HE COULDN'T HAVE FLUSHED HIMSELF DOWN THE TOILET, COULD HE? THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE, IS IT?"

"OF COURSE NOT", SNAPPED THE OTHER MAN. "DON'T YOU GET IT?"

"GET WHAT", QUESTIONED THE FIRST MAN?

"WELL", ANSWERED THE SECOND MAN; "THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT OF HERE; AND AFTER THE OLD MAN LEFT,

THE PLACE WAS EMPTY."

THE SECOND MAN BEGAN SEARCHING RAPIDLY THROUGH THE CLOTHING ON THE FLOOR. FINALLY, HE CHECKED IN THE GARBAGE CAN.

HE PULLED SOMETHING OUT OF THE CAN AND YELLED OUT, "I FOUND IT: THAT'S WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR!"

"FOUND WHAT", ASKED THE FIRST MAN?

THE SECOND MAN STOOD UP, TURNED AROUND TO FACE THE FIRST MAN AND HELD THE RUBBERY LOOKING THING THAT HE HAD FOUND IN THE FIRST MANS FACE, AS HE SHOUTED, "THIS! THIS RUBBERY THING THAT I'M HOLDING

IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. IT'S A PLASTIC SURGERY MASK. THE YOUNG MAN WASN'T A YOUNG MAN AT ALL: HE WAS

AN OLD MAN WEARING THIS PLASTIC SURGERY MASK. HE TOOK EVERYBODY’S MONEY AND THEN HAD US ESCORT

HIM OVER HERE, SO THAT HE COULD TAKE OFF HIS MASK AND CLOTHING AND ESCAPE. HE KNEW THAT WE

WOULDN'T KNOW WHO HE WAS WHEN HE WALKED OUT.

HE HAD HIS WORKING CLOTHES UNDERNEATH."

"THEN WE'VE BEEN CHEATED", QUESTIONED THE FIRST MAN?

THE SECOND MAN SAID, "THAT'S ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. WE'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE CROWD AND TELL WHAT HAPPENED."

THE TWO MEN WENT BACK TO THE CROWD. AFTER

THEY TOLD THE CROWD WHAT HAPPENED, THEY ALL

LOOKED UNDERNEATH THE WHITE CLOTH THAT WAS

HIDING THE OBJECT ON THE STAND, THAT THE SO CALLED YOUNG MAN REFERRED TO AS "EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT

IT". EVERYONE DID LOOK AT IT; AND TO THEIR ABSOLUTE DISGUST, THE OBJECT THAT WAS BEING ADVERTISED AS "EVERYONE WILL LOOK AT IT", WAS NOTHING MORE THAN

A LARGE CANTALOPE.

"HE TOOK OUR MONEY", SHOUTED SOMEONE IN THE CROWD!

TO THIS, THE CROWD BEGAN RUMBLING AND HOLLERING, AS ANOTHER CROWD MEMBER YELLED OUT, "WHAT'S

WRONG WITH A LYNCH MOB? I THINK THE IDEA HAS A

GREAT DEAL OF APPEAL TO IT!"

AS THE CHEERS AND HOLLERS IN AGREEMENT FILLED

THE SKY AND THE CROWD WENT CRAZY WITH YELLING,

THE SECOND MAN WHO HAD ACCOMPANIED THE OLD CON ARTIST TO THE BATHROOM, HAPPENED TO LOOK UPWARD

TO HIS SIDE. THERE, IN A PRICEY LOFT BUILDING , HE WAS STARING AT A WINDOW AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CURTAIN FELL DOWN, REVEALING A MAN BEHIND IT. TO THE SECOND MAN'S SURPRISE, THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN WAS THE OLD MAN THAT HE HAD SEEN LEAVE THE BATHROOM.

"THERE HE IS: THAT'S THE OLD MAN WE SAW LEAVE THE BATHROOM! HE WAS PEEPING AT US FROM BEHIND THE CURTAINS AND THE CURTAIN FELL DOWN. HE HAD A

PLASTIC SURGERY MASK ON WHILE HE WAS OVER HERE, MAKING US THINK THAT HE WAS YOUNG, IN ORDER TO DISGUISE HIMSELF, SO THAT HE COULD TAKE OUR MONEY. LET'S GET HIM!"

THE CROWD WENT NUTS AS THEY ALL AT ONCE MADE A MAD DASH FOR THE WEALTHY LOFT BUILDING. SHOUTING AND HOLLERING AS THE THE CROWD CHARGED THE LOFT BUILDING, THE OLD MAN AT FIRST LOOKED ON IN HORROR BUT THEN MADE A RUN TO HIS MONEY LYING ON THE BED. HE QUICKLY GATHERED IT, CRAMMED IT INTO A SUITCASE, CLOSED IT AND RAN OUT THE DOOR OF HIS ROOM.

HE WAS NOW IN THE HALLWAY, RACING TO A WINDOW AT THE VERY END OF IT. HE CLIMBED THROUGH THE WINDOW AND FOUND HIMSELF ON THE METAL FIRE ESCAPE OUTSIDE THE REAR OF THE BUILDING. THERE HE BEGAN SCURRYING DOWN AS QUICKLY AS HE COULD.

THE CROWD HAD ENTERED THE BUILDING. THEY WERE MAKING THEIR WAY TO THE ROOM, AS THEY FOLLOWED

THE SECOND MAN WHO HAD ESCORTED THE CON ARTIST

TO THE RESTROOM, WHO SEEMED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS.

IN TIME, THEY ARRIVED AT THE MAN'S ROOM. THEY ALL BARGED THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. TO THEIR DISMAY THEY SAW NO ONE IN THE ROOM; BUT A MAN WHO HAD LIVED IN THE LOFT TOWER BEFORE AND KNEW OF THE FIRE ESCAPE, BROKE FROM THE CROWD AND RAN TO THE WINDOW.

HE APPEARED THROUGH THE WINDOW. IN THE FAR DISTANCE, HE SAW THE MAN THEY WERE CHASING. HE

HAD JUST LEFT THE ALLEY, CROSSED THE STREET AND

WAS NOW RUNNING ACROSS THE PARK, ACROSS THE

STREET FROM THE END OF THE ALLEY.

THE MAN LOOKED BACK AT THE CROWD AND YELLED

OUT, "HEY! I SEE WHERE HE IS. HE JUST ENTERED

"MOLE PARK" AND HES RUNNING ACROSS IT!"

THE ENFLAMED CROWD ONCE AGAIN TOOK OFF IN A

MAD DASH. THEY MADE THEIR WAY OUT OF THE TOWER, INTO THE ALLEY, CROSSED THE STREET AND WERE NOW

RUNNING ACROSS THE PARK. NOW THEY COULD SEE THE MAN, AS THEY PURSUED HOT ON HIS HEELS.

THE CRIMINAL TURNED A CORNER AND BEGAN RUNNING DOWN A STREET; BUT THAT'S WHERE HE DISCOVERED HIS

BIG SURPRISE. THE STREET TURNED OUT TO BE A DEAD

END. HE RAN TO THE VERY END BUT SOON DISCOVERED THAT THERE WAS NO PLACE TO RUN TO. ALL HE DID WAS

ALL THAT HE COULD DO: HE RAN TO THE END OF THE STREET, STOPPING ABOUT A HUNDRED FEET FROM IT AND FOUND HIMSELF COMPLETELY TRAPPED.

HE TURNED AND WATCHED THE CROWD. ANGRILY, THEY APPROACHED NEARER AND NEARER. IN A BRIEF AMOUNT

OF TIME, THEY REACHED HIM; THEN THEY SURROUNDED

HIM IN A GIANT CIRCLE. HE GAZED AT THEIR FACES AND

SAW THE ANGER AND HEARD THE SHOUTING. OUT OF ALL HIS YEARS OF HUSTLING THE DIFFERENT CITIES AS A TRAVELING "FLY BY NIGHT", IT CLEARLY LOOKED AS IF HIS DEBASED CAREER HAD FINALLY COME TO AN END.

A MAN WALKED FORWARD OUT OF THE CROWD. HE WALKED UP TO THE ELDERLY HUSTLER AND SNATCHED HIS SUITCASE OUT OF HIS HAND. EVERYONE GREW SILENT.

HE PLACED IT ON THE GROUND OPENED IT AND EXPOSED SOME CLOTHING. HE STOOD UP, TURNED THE SUITCASE UPSIDE DOWN AND DUMPED EVERYTHING ON THE

GROUND, EXPOSING A LARGE CLUMP OF MONEY THAT HAD BEEN BURIED UNDERNEATH ALL THE CLOTHING.

"THERE'S OUR MONEY", SHOUTED A MAN IN

THE CROWD.

THE MAN STANDING IN FRONT OF THE OLD HUSTLER SAID TO HIM, "IF YOU DON'T MIND, WE'LL BE TAKING ALL THIS BACK AND REDISTRIBUTING IT BACK TO IT'S RIGHTFUL OWNERS; AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO LEAVE!"

AT THAT MOMENT, A BOY OF ABOUT TWELVE POINTED

TO ONE OF THE BUILDINGS; A HOUSE THAT HAPPENED TO

BE AT THE END OF THE DEAD END ROAD AND SAID, "HEY; I LIVE RIGHT THERE! I HAVE A PET ANACONDA AND I FORGOT TO FEED IT THIS MORNING. I CAN GO GET IT SO THAT IT

CAN EAT THIS GUY. ANYBODY WANT TO SEE THIS OLD HUSTLER GET EATEN BY AN ANACONDA?"

THE CROWD WENT WILD WITH AGREEMENTS, AS THE AIR FILLED WITH PHRASES LIKE, -"SURE!"- AND "GO GET IT!"

THE BOY RAN TO HIS HOUSE AND IN A FEW MOMENTS, RETURNED WITH AN ANACONDA IN A CAGE ON WHEELS. HE RELEASED THE ANACONDA AND IT SLITHERED OUT AS THE CROWD BACKED UP. THE SNAKE IN WHAT SEEMED TO BE A FRACTION OF A SECOND, RAPPED HIS SNAKE BODY AROUND THE OLD HUSTLER AND SQUEEZED, CRACKING HIS BONES LOUDLY, FOR ALL THE CROWD TO HEAR.

"WHAT'S HE DOING", ASKED ONE MEMBER OF THE

CROWD?

ANOTHER MEMBER ANSWERED, "THE SNAKE HAS TO CRUNCH ALL THE BONES UP SO THAT HE CAN SWALLOW

THE GUY. YOU MIGHT SAY, THAT HE'S SHAPING HIS FOOD FOR THE SWALLOW."

FINALLY, THE MAN FELL OVER; BUT THE SNAKE CONTINUED TO GRIP THE MAN AND USE IT'S BODY TO FORCE-FIT THE MAN INTO IT'S MOUTH, SLOWLY SWALLOWING HIM LITTLE BY LITTLE. IT LET GO OF THE

MAN SO THAT HE COULD SWALLOW THE REST OF HIM,

UNTIL FINALLY, THE OLD HUSTLER WAS ALL GONE;

CLOTHING AND ALL.

THE BOY WHO OWNED THE SNAKE, HELPED THE OTHERS GET THE SNAKE BACK INTO IT'S CAGE AND HE SIMPLY WHEELED THE CART BACK INTO HIS YARD. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT ANYBODY HERE HAD EVER SEEN AN ANACONDA OR ANY SNAKE FOR THAT MATTER EAT A MAN AND THE BOY WAS FILLED WITH UNBEARABLE PRIDE. NEVERTHELESS, IT WAS NOW OVER AS THEY DISTRIBUTED THE MONEY BACK TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, WITH ALL GETTING THE PERCENTAGE THAT THEY LOST AND A HAPPY SNAKE

GETTING A HAPPY MEAL.

THE END

THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN BY DWAYNE LEFTRIDGE. HE HAS ALSO MADE A CD THAT HAS HAD SONGS ON IT RECEIVE RADIO PLAY SOMEWHERE AROUND 61 TIMES ON MICROSCOPIC FUNDS; MORE THAN MANY PEOPLE WITH FAR LARGER INVESTMENT FUNDS.

THE NAME OF THIS CD IS “COMING OUT OF THE HERMIT’S CAVE”.